Subject, no?

[italiceyeball]

 I won't be interested? Well, I am. It seems silly now to be self deprecating to oneself! Of course, of course it's instinctual. Of course, of course so is everything. Trying to relate to yourself in the same ways you relate to others is distortive. But it's the only model I was provided with. You can't know yourself, I feel sullied for even saying it. New Age-ee. But even that's dated, happens faster now. You can't, though, and I don't mean that in any way I'd call spiritual, even in a pop whateverthefuck cultural way.

 

Because, because knowing a person is from the outside, in. Has to be, sorry to the unicorns and easter bunny coalition. And you're on the inside looking out. And you're also the window, the glass, and you're invisible. You're the screen, too. Either, both indiscriminately.

 

You can't be your own friend. Like a roommate you've never met. Ambiance in place of personality. A few dirty dishes, hearty leftovers, half the rent paid every month. The occasional condom in the trash. But you've never met, never so much as a scribbled note.