I gave official notice in Helvetica Neue. Terse and crisply polite. Use mirror language in official responses, words like renew, terminate, reside, communicate, inform, deposit. Words like bondage. Magic scrolls. Sealed by signature, by a close touch, this was me, I was here, really I was! Use two stamps because hasn't the rate increased. It must have? It always does. Use two stamps to be sure. Be sure.

My equanimity is rarely in doubt. Like most people I stumble from one divine faux pas to another, like most people I writhe in anxious paroxysms- from time to time. For brief periods. Like anyone else I have my. Moments. I've been there.

But when I've decided, and isn't that the trick, when I've decided, really, not in the sense of choosing pickles over rats though, I would. Y'know. Go with the pickles. But

The world asks: shouldn't you be nervous?

And at first I agree! Yes! Yes I should be nervous! Why am I not nervous!? And I become quite excited for a moment maybe rubbing my beard and dragging tangles out of my hair and even getting up! Getting up and pacing! Then

I remember that I'm not, in fact, nervous. I remember that this is interesting but not panic worthy, that I am not-nervous for very good reasons.

Part of it must be luck. Or at least. Chance. I'm less excitable than most people I meet, I don't often reach the high spirits of others when exposed to identical stimuli. I don't often reach the apparent lows either. So that's nice, or not, depending-

Part of it is that I made this decision already. I put that letter in that mailbox months ago. I put that letter in mailboxes all over the east. In Tupelo. In New York. In some valley in Virginia. On the Gulf at night. Sinking in sand. Dead tired hotel in Maryland. At sunsets and sunrises. I sealed that envelope already, on your couch that-one-day, sun cut to bars through window shades. I moved out of this apartment soon after signing the lease. Now. Now I finally stop paying rent.

I'm not nervous about moving because I've already moved. What's changing is how often I get to go... Home.

Date: 2014-12-01 10:47 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] agnosis1975
I'm re growing my beard. It's growing back in in all shades of white.

I'm not sure why I keep plucking them out.

My chin looks kind of piebald now.

Date: 2014-12-02 02:12 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] keplers_angels
I want to marry you.

Date: 2014-12-02 06:15 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] marahmarie
Are you into polygamy by any chance?

Date: 2014-12-03 01:55 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] keplers_angels
An application form is in the mail. There's no fee to apply but there are various initiation rituals throughout the application process. (You're not allergic to leather or goose down I hope.)

Date: 2014-12-03 03:33 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] marahmarie
Of course not.

Date: 2014-12-03 03:34 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] marahmarie
Translation, please? (I can't read lips and have no idea who that is. Looks amusing though, regardless).

Date: 2014-12-04 12:13 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] marahmarie
Ok. I did finally read his lips enough to figure out he appears to be saying "Wow" which is uh, yeah, about right, considering what I just asked you, and goes to show how bad I am at flirting.

You're too young for me, anyhow, and keplersangel's got there first. But yours is still one of my favorite DWs for probably all the same reasons that made KA just up and propose. :)

parisian picador

Date: 2014-12-16 12:54 am (UTC)From: (Anonymous)
the pomp of choosing is amusing...i'm waiting for the realism to sink in. and i hope it never comes. always stay a dreamer, a romantic, a lover. we need more of you (without the smart-ass defenses).
-the sunken

Re: parisian picador

Date: 2014-12-23 09:28 pm (UTC)From: (Anonymous)
not claiming any pissing contest of cynicism as you're probably one of the pissiest. just that your language and tone reeks of jane austen on her period, which is probably why you attract those wolves here. not sure how you really seem...the charm is all yours in this case.
just wanted to give you a bit of advice...the kind that drunk, midnight uncles make to fatherless sons: useless and yet unforgettable.

Re: parisian picador

Date: 2015-01-06 02:01 am (UTC)From: (Anonymous)
i really wish i could come and drown in your bliss so to speak. i really do. i'm honored at the invitation. there has never been anything so regal.
in all truth: may love be with you and may love guide you.
-m

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