May. 10th, 2014

Today I am supposed to go to the bank, shop for food and et ceteras, take S. to look at tennis rackets, clean this pit of obscenities I call an apartment, do laundry, and... something else I'm forgetting.

After a morning spent with spreadsheets and medical billing, reviewing denials from last week, and smoking too much... I think I'll take a shower and put off the rest for tomorrow.

The park across the street is turning green. The weather is nice. I'm worried I'll never amount to anything and disappoint my parents, peers, and President Obama. Today at the donut shop I wanted to tip the donut girls but I never have any cash and they for some reason don't do the tip on card thing. So I'm extra nice to them and try to engage in cleverness- even in my bleary eyed disheveled pre-coffee state. This week I had to tighten my belt a notch because my pants were falling down. Ping pong really does count as exercise. Is this the weekend? Is there a future? I should open a window. I should stick my head out and yell at people not to waste the days like I do, lost in my navel, spiraling round anxieties, praying for distractions, making resolutions just to silence all the nagging voices.

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